Think of toughness as energy available to conquer challenges.
So you think you want to be tough? Wake up at 3am. No... make it 2am. Whisk 6 raw eggs and 8oz of vinegar until moderately gooey, then chug. Jump in an ice bath and listen to a podcast where the host has a massive meltdown about how people are too sensitive. Run the sound through a high-watt speaker and place it right up against your ear for maximum retention. Want to be tough? You only get to pee once per day - that way you can tell your Reddit frenemies that they're softer than you. Use a doorknob to give yourself a black eye and hope that someone asks about it, so you can say "you should see the other guy...". Maximize tattoos, minimize sleeves, and scowl like Billy Idol.
Just kidding. That's not real toughness. Think of toughness as energy available to conquer challenges. There are four sources of energy to fuel toughness, and the great news is, you control all of them.
The Four Energizers of Toughness
When I was writing my financial wellness book I thought hard about what really brings positive results in life and money. How do people climb mountains, fight cancer, raise children, and consistently succeed? How do people summon the energy to cope, achieve, and endure? I developed the Four Energizers of Toughness based on my own experiences and observations.
In the past year alone, I've used this model to help me through several major events. Most notably, I used it while completing my second marathon, recovering from highly invasive (and unplanned) surgeries, and supporting my wife through the 59 hours of sleepless labor she endured delivering our boy. I can't pretend I'm as tough as my wife had to be to carry and deliver a child, but I was glad to have a model to help me find energy to support her as best I could. I looked at each situation individually and used the Four Energizers to remember why and how I could succeed.
Using the labor support as an example:
Purpose: I will support my wife through this challenging event so that she and our boy can stay as safe and healthy as possible.
Positivity: I can do this. No one is better equipped to love and support my family than I am.
Gratitude: I'm thankful for the chance to be here, and have the opportunity to help in whatever big or small way I can. (This was especially clear to me, considering that if he was born two months prior or three weeks after, my medical issues might have made it impossible for me to be there at all).
Determination: I am going to do everything I can to help her through this, because it's worth it.
Now let's look at each Energizer and how to apply it to your finances.
Energizer 1 - Purpose
Finding a good reason to do something will always make that thing easier to do. People find energy to do amazing things because they can connect them to a purpose, whether it is to help others, to be the best version of themselves, to support their families, or to find fulfillment. Think about the intended outcome or reward of a given action, and you’ll find the energy to do it.
Money lesson:
It’s easier to save money when you know what you’re saving for. That’s why it’s so incredibly important to be thoughtful and have financial goals. Understand the purpose of healthy choices and you’ll be tough enough to make them consistently.
Energizer 2 - Positivity
Staying positive can power people through incredible challenges. Adopting an attitude of “I can do this” will block out the cold of limiting self-doubt. Positivity is really about belief. It’s nearly impossible to beat a deadly disease, lift a heavy object, finish school, or even just be kind to others, if you don’t believe you can. While some choose to slog through thick, slimy, suffocating negativity, masters of positivity and belief continue to overachieve in wide open country.
Money lesson:
In personal finance, the belief that you will achieve your goals will give you the energy to stick to them. If you consistently say, “I’m never going to be able to afford a house,” you’re certainly going to be right. But if you believe you can find ways to make it happen, you’re going to find the energy and toughness to do it. Find the positives of working and saving, and both will be easier and more enjoyable.
Energizer 3 - Gratitude
Being grateful will give you more energy than a pink bunny playing drums in a battery commercial. Find a reason to appreciate any given challenge, and you’ll smile through the adversity. I live in a region with frequent rain, cool temperatures, and big, steep coastal hills that abruptly lead to one of the most prominent mountain peaks in the entire world. That may turn some people off from running, but I think it makes it more fun. That’s because I choose to run gratefully. When my knees start hurting, I decide to be grateful for the use of my body. When it starts dumping rain, I look at the trees and I’m grateful to have fresh water to support the life around me. When I feel like my legs are frozen in carbonite, I choose to be grateful for the beautiful parks and safe streets I get to run in. When I start the climb up yet another massive hill, I’m grateful for the chance to get stronger, and I smile like a great big idiot. In all those opportunities to stop or quit, I find energy to keep going instead, because I know how lucky I am to have the chance.
Money lesson:
Being grateful will put more money in your pocket, and help you keep it, too. Workers who are grateful for employment are more likely to try their best every day and produce more quality work. People who are grateful for what they already have are more likely to resist buying things they don’t need. People who are grateful for their challenges find the energy to thrive.
Energizer 4 - Determination
Determination is the most classic source of extreme energy. Determined people can tap deep into their reserves and summon courage and brutal endurance. It’s what gets a single mom through night classes. It’s what gives athletes just enough energy to finish an event before collapsing immediately after. It’s the energy to nurture a relationship, even on the days when it’s not convenient.
Money lesson:
If you’re determined to reach your goals, you’re going to. Being determined to properly serve yourself, your dependents, and your community will give you plenty of energy to pursue financial health.
Wrapping up
Real toughness is the ability to deal with a variety of challenges. Someone may have an incredibly high tolerance for physical pain, but live in constant fear of being vulnerable. Somone may have an exceptional work ethic in their career, but no discipline to save their money. It's totally possible that the toughest person you've ever met is your frail old great grandmother.
The Five Truths of Financial Health tell us that discipline is an exhaustible resource, and healthy financial habits take discipline. Sometimes you're going to have to get tough to meet your financial, health, and life goals. And that's just fine. Toughness is a privilege that is earned. But it's not earned with attempts to be imposing or impressive; it's earned by learning to summon the energy to endure.
Find reasons to be tough, and you may realize you're tougher than you thought.
In conclusion, here is my cat's impression of fake tough guy face and how (I assume) he used the Four Energizers of Toughness to reach new heights.
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